A college student reached the exam room shortly after the commencement of his mathematics paper, there was silence all around as everyone was engrossed in solving the paper. The student was silently handed a paper containing five questions out of which three were on the first page and two were on the second page. He started solving the paper and did three questions in half the time. But the two questions on the second page were a bit difficult all the students finished their paper and left but that student sat in the exam room till the last moment and he did the last question of his paper before the time was over. The next day he got a call from the professor, “I don’t believe you solved even the last question.” The student answered, “What was the big deal about it?” “Both the questions were very difficult and I had said earlier that their marks would not be included,” said the professor. You didn’t hear because you came late.
Dr Sadaqat Ali is Project Director of Turning Point. He is a prominent drug expert of the country. His name is the most prominent in the treatment of addiction in Pakistan. After completing his MBBS from Dow Medical College, Karachi, he pursued higher education in addiction treatment from Hazelden, Minnesota, USA. So far, thousands of drug addicts have been cured by him. The truth is that it had nothing to do with intelligence. Other people thought that these questions were difficult and there was no point in solving them. This student’s mind was not “misled” and his grades were his. Some tasks are very difficult. Like many other people, you will sometimes be overwhelmed by difficulties. In such a situation, when self or others are not stressed, you will feel confused. Many times there is too much tension in the office if no one listens to your instructions. Sometimes when you gain weight, it seems that digestion is bad, otherwise what’s the big deal in getting rid of 6000 calories???
You don’t see your fault, everything seems to be a game of luck. Meanwhile at home your son is no longer there, he is hanging out with the stray Tapori boys. You’ve tried everything from coaxing to intimidation, but until it creeps up on his ear, he hangs out with chubby boys all day long. Sahibzade’s height seems to be growing, there is no end to your speech. It doesn’t end there, unfortunately your neighbor didn’t notice the difference. During the day there is riot in his house, at night he would listen to you by turning on the loud TV. If you complain, the collar comes and the reverse blesses you, you keep opening inside. Sahaga on sleeping is that the weather is also your enemy, there is load shedding of electricity and you feel like you are living in an oven. These and many other such problems make your life miserable. In this state of helplessness, you always pray to Allah for patience and peace. The importance of prayer has its place but sometimes it becomes a vortex of being stuck in helplessness and backwardness, let’s think about it.
In Shuklat we beat our hands and feet but then we get tired and disappointed and we sit on our hands. Or we start paying attention to these things. Which appear to be within our jurisdiction and which we may change. In hindsight, it’s a good strategy to pay attention to such things rather than mope helplessly, but sometimes this effort can lead to complacency. Difficult things on an individual level include everything from giving up drugs, gambling and losing weight to avoiding divorce. At the national level, terrorism, corruption and load shedding are also very serious problems, but these are not problems that do not have solutions, we just need to find those solutions in the right place. It is a fact that in the problems in which we fail, someone else is somewhere successful and making a difference through their wisdom. That person knows where to change themselves and others. I believe that all the complex problems in our lives, institutions and even the world can be solved, they don’t have to be complex, and sometimes it just takes a different way of thinking and taking action.
Knowing that we don’t have the required skills, we don’t need to worry because the experts have already found solutions to these problems. Experts have solved every knot and it is the most important secret of the world. Instead of learning everything from scratch, we should try a solution that has already been found somewhere. We don’t need to reinvent the wheel. One important thing is that when we have mastered the art of influencing our little problems, we will have no difficulty in expanding our jurisdiction, and in time we will no longer be disturbed by trifles. One thing to remember is that every person who walks around with a turban on his forehead does not have an effective personality, to make the personality effective one needs to adopt contemporary solutions. The purpose of this column is to bring to you the methods and skills of intelligent people who make changes in the world so that you can change everything you want to change.
Books written on the subject of influencing others emphasize traditional methods such as good word choice and the art of conversation, but I don’t find them effective. In my view, on most occasions, soft and gentle words prove to be ineffective on an ignorant man. In fact, changing others requires doing more than just talking. For example, you’re eating a jumbo-sized burger and the wife points at you and says you’re digging your own grave with your teeth? So will there be any influence on you and will you repent? No, no. I know. There will be nothing but resentment. That’s why I don’t emphasize lip service to changing habits and making improvements, but instead I promote a strategy for every problem that effective people around the world adopt and that can be applied to larger human problems as well. Many companies are laying off employees, while others are hiring more employees.
Because in these companies the career of the employees is promoted and the employees take their destiny in their own hands. Because most of us rely on outdated methods instead of trying new ways to solve problems, failure is inevitable. Facilitation works behind outdated methods. In such situations, if we try a new strategy for each failure, the problems will begin to disappear. Do you believe that helplessness is rarely a true and irrefutable reality? In fact, people tend to adopt a policy of tolerance rather than self-efficacy. Tell the truth! Have you ever thought that one day you will also become an effective person? If we had realized this, we would have made sufficient efforts to increase our effectiveness and would have discovered new ways of success. Getting off it is not appropriate to complain about why others do not change on their own, nor is there any need to be sad about it.
Because it is our responsibility to change others according to our will, but instead of accepting our responsibility, we stare, grumble, threaten and mock. The interesting thing is that if we look at the life of sportsmen, when faced with failure, every sportsman not only strives to improve his abilities but also thoughtfully carves out new ways of success. Repeated injuries do not stop him from getting back on the field. But instead of accepting our responsibility, we stare, grumble, threaten and mock. The interesting thing is that if we look at the life of sportsmen, when faced with failure, every sportsman not only strives to improve his abilities but also thoughtfully carves out new ways of success. Repeated injuries do not stop him from getting back on the field. But instead of accepting our responsibility, we stare, grumble, threaten and mock. The interesting thing is that if we look at the life of sportsmen, when faced with failure, every sportsman not only strives to improve his abilities but also thoughtfully carves out new ways of success.
Repeated injuries do not stop him from getting back on the field. People have a great ability to compromise with situations. We tend to compromise or destroy others instead of changing them. Usually we prefer to live rather than change ourselves. Familiarity with past attitudes, familiarity and self-indulgence compel the poor to make a living. An unconscious fear of change says that there is safety in not changing. For this reason, if the husband is suffering from addiction, the family members spend energy on the consequences of addiction instead of treatment, or get bored and vent their heart. The very thought of changing the situation fills us with unconscious fear. Familiar suffering seems less painful than an imagined and unknown one. Similarly, when we need to lose weight, instead of following the plan, we buy different sizes of clothes, and instead of calling ourselves fat, we start telling ourselves that we are “from the eating and drinking family” to comfort ourselves.
Terrorist incidents are happening frequently and after each incident there is an emphasis on improving the arrangements. 90% of the conversation is about dealing with the consequences of terrorism. Helping those affected by terrorism is very important, but what is more important? Very little consideration is given to how terrorism can be eradicated. How to stop it? In such a meeting, the elimination of terrorism is rarely discussed. It is like collecting plenty of salve before an injury, but making no effort to prevent the injury! Is this not a silent declaration on our part that we know nothing about changing human thoughts and attitudes, that we have given up? Let’s look at some of the issues and reactions against it. As for what is the solution to gambling addiction? Take some oaths and promises from your loved one and get him out of debt. What to do if your office’s IT department is not performing as expected?
No problem, get it done and outsourced. What to do if you are worried about your spouse? What a simple solution divorce is. If the released offenders soon become attracted to crime again, they should not be released so quickly. In the same way, instead of treating your sick husband, bring him from the bathroom to the bed every day in a state of depression and then pray for peace. Last year, PIA and Railways incurred losses of billions of rupees, while Daewoo Bus Service made a profit of crores of rupees this year and its revenue grew by 20%. One wonders what Daewoo Bus Service does that the railways and PIA don’t. Surely they have created an effective strategy that instills the behaviors that drive the best results for the company, and this strategy is not secret, but plain as day. This was an example of his own world, while a revolutionary Dr. Younis in the developing country of Bangladesh, Dhaka, rescued four million people from the clutches of poverty.
Similarly, thousands of Americans have lost weight by adopting the golden habit. An example is Thailand, where a quiet revolutionary saved five million people from AIDS. There is still a glimmer of hope, the world is full of those who learn helplessness, but there are also those who know very well that human behavior can be changed. How hearts and eyes change and how a revolution takes place, I saw the change unfolding every moment and consideration of the underlying factors was always my way. I know that these change agents are spread across the globe and are working on everything from global disease prevention to changing discriminatory laws. Among these amazing figures, I also saw closely the work of a woman, Mee Silbert, who is a criminal and the bodies of the convicted people are changing.
There is no doubt that these personalities achieve success because they are endowed with certain qualities, but if you think about it, it turns out that they follow certain laws of nature that guarantee success and everyone can learn them. Maybe, they include you. This column will be written every month, based on the stories of people who are changing the world. Recently, during one of my lectures at Government College University Lahore, a student stood up and said, “Your words are not for us. You people should understand today’s generation, what did you have when you were born?” We all woke up in a different world. Today we have TV, airplanes, spaceships, nuclear power, computers.” When the student gasped, I replied, “When we were your age, these things weren’t when we were young. We conquered them. You too can do what you think is impossible.