Writer: Saad Shaheed
Editor: Atrat Zahra
In Stephen Covey’s popular book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey writes that most people don’t listen to understand, they listen to respond. As a practicing psychologist I discovered that even the smallest mistakes in communication can ruin relationships, these kinds of basic mistakes can affect any kind of relationship. These include the relationship of a mental health therapist with his patient-client. Because of these mistakes, we lose the true energy of our inspirational connections. Whereas it is through communication that we heal a person or empower someone, which is also our goal. It doesn’t matter what approach we are using to connect and treat someone. But it is important for us to first accept his true feelings and as soon as we accept them we are able to form a strong rapport with the patient.
Following are some of the basic errors being described. Which by doing during the conversation disturbs our relationship.
The first big mistake we make is that we are not aware of how we are making an impression on others while interacting with others. We have strange tendencies, either to be passive in our approach. Or they adopt a valiant style to establish harmony in the relationship. Inappropriate eye contact, silence and not understanding our own body movements confuse our connection and connection. We should have complete control over our bodily movements and instincts and use them in relation to what we want to do. Meeting people based on their experiences and references helps us connect with them on a deeper level. We must first respect the circumstances and views of others so that we can provide them with a healthy perspective.
Misunderstanding is our tendency to think about the affairs of others in the same way as we think about ourselves. However, what do we think about their affairs? If we can’t interpret it properly, our relationship is shaky and the other person can’t connect with us. This is why the wise idea is that we never try to understand the situation of others, always allow the process of completion of our understanding due time and wait until we can wait until the complete story of the person in front of us. Don’t listen Empathy can only be effective therapy when we are able to truly know what the other person is feeling.
Biasing our confirmed thinking plays a major role in distorting our perception. In such a case, the problem is solved only by working with an open mind. Choosing effective words and phrases and expressing feelings appropriately is an art in the treatment of language disorders. In order to effectively confirm and validate a person’s feelings, emotions and issues, we must learn effective words and phrases to use effectively during conversation. This will prove to be very decisive for us. Because emotions ride on the attractiveness of words and language. The beauty and effectiveness of treatment through conversation also depends on it.
Is another common mistake we make during conversation? Making decisions or making guesses. No one wants to be second-guessed during a conversation. There is a big difference between fact-checking and making assumptions, and if we are confused about this difference, it will be impossible for us to communicate effectively. Carl Rogers, the famous psychologist of the humanist school of thought, has made a basic principle to get rid of this problem. Unconditional positive regard.
The Mistake of Feeling Responsible For Others
Empathy and understanding of others’ situations does not mean that we take responsibility for others’ situations. But we make this mistake many times. When someone expresses an opinion to you, it should be evaluated. The first goal should be to simply listen. As an effective validator, our goal is not to solve other people’s problems, but to understand their problems and acknowledge their true feelings, and in the process, build their own emotional strength. Help has to be given. Often they are unable to understand their own feelings. Whereas this is the process by which an effective authenticator initiates treatment. We live under the illusion that when someone shares their feelings with us, we should appear to immediately take responsibility for solving their problem. Communicating in this way reduces effectiveness and creates a toxic relationship instead of a healthy one
Learn the skill of verification and validation, yes this skill can be learned. Our communication can be much more effective through this skill and our relationships can be much stronger because of it. The first step in learning this skill is that we first need to validate our feelings and emotions. Accept them. In difficult situations we tend to avoid understanding and accepting our feelings. Once we succeed in doing this, we are able to work on them strategically and appropriately. These are the tools, by using which we are able to correct our mistakes. The mistakes I just mentioned. During the conversation we should let the responsibilities stay where they belong, that way we empower the other person to solve their problems. We respect their feelings, their feelings, with heart and mind.